Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
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