The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
