Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
