Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
