then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize