Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
