there was a trapeze. enough said
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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