I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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