I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
