he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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