I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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