Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
