I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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