I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
