is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
