I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
