I'm gonna have a badass scar
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
