I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
