she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
