lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
