real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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