We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
