I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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