why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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