i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
