I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is