Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?