escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
