i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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