I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
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I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
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Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
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