Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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