Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
