I'm going to jail i love you
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
