I'm so fucking centered right now
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize