Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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