Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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