My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
