To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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