Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Randomize
