I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
