I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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