I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Dear god my vagina.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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