He asked to "fluff my boner.."
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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