I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
