she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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