do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
