nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
