THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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