The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
