Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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