Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
