All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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