I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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