the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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