I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
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there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
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The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
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