I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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