I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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