I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
