I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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