bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
honey bunches of taint.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
