I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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