I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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