He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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