I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
