I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
