I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
