what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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