Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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