hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My vagina is officially offended.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
