no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
