So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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