Where is the hickey?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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