Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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