I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
